Topic of conversation

As women, we love to get together with other women and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Our men should like these gatherings because we unload and unleash all the talking on each other and perhaps they will be spared. :) I have come to realize the topic of conversation inevitably goes in the same direction no matter what group of women I am with. And what direction is that? Well, you can guess.  That's right, the topic of lovin. I really don't know why it goes in that direction and sometimes it just gets down right graphic. Is that a bad thing? I've pondered this. I guess it could be if it's taken too far or if someone gets offended. However, I think it can be a good thing too. Although these are private matters between a husband and wife, they are also somewhat tabu and that can often lead us to question what is normal regarding our emotions toward the subject. But why should we care what other people do and think about the topic? Well, we can not care, that is definitely an option, but we can also receive help and advice, which never hurts either. I definitely have lent a listening ear for some of my friends who struggle in this department and yes somethings are a challenge for some people and it may cause problems in the marriage. I have found it rather therapeutic for myself and others to be somewhat open about this sort of thing. I have left my group of friends feeling confident and glad that I'm feeling good about that part of my marriage. As women who are supposed to be modest and mindful of our bodies and their sacred component, it can become difficult to discover how to enjoy that part of marriage without feeling like you're sacrificing your core values. I'm here to tell you, that is why that topic of conversation can be helpful. One should never feel like that part of their life is compromising the virtue they hold. Being married is a gift from God and so is that aspect of marriage. Enjoy it and don't be afraid to talk about it with your friends as well as your spouse. I felt the need to write a little something on this topic because so often I find that women are afraid to not only to talk about it with their friends but also their spouse. (You should always be able to talk to your spouse about it.) Often I have found that women have insecurities and question's that lack an answer because they don't know how to ask. I assure you, friends can help!

Finding Joy In Motherhood!

Today, I read a sad story about a young women close to my age, who had passed away unexpectedly in her sleep. That's not even the entire story. It's actually quite tragic. She left behind a husband and children. I prayed for this family and it got me reflecting on my own life. I pondered how there are so many young beautiful mothers out there who for some reason, Heavenly Father, chooses to take them home. (It is my thought that it's because they are so wonderful, He needs them for a greater purpose on the other side.) And among these beautiful women, there are so many other women who are completely destructive. They are selfish, self serving and can't quite figure out the true meaning of life, or perhaps they just don't care. I admit that before I had children, the thought of staying home with them kind of made me cringe. (I know, jaws are dropping to the floor cause who doesn't want to be with their kids right?) I just had so many different ideas about what I wanted out of life and they were completely selfish ideas. I wanted to go to grad school, (still do :) I wanted to write books, have a career where I made a significant contribution to my employers. The list could go on. The desires I felt just couldn't be fulfilled staying home with children until I prayed for help. I can honestly say, I love being home with my kids, and I wouldn't wish to be anywhere else. Do those feelings of wanting to accomplish various things in my life go away? No. They are just put on the back burner for now. I am completely content and that's the truth. Getting there wasn't so easy for me. I had to pray to put my selfish desires aside and put my children first. I had to pray to recognize my OWN strengths and stop comparing myself to others. (That was a huge weight off of my shoulders!) I compared myself constantly. I thought I should be a certain way, dress a certain way and accomplish certain things in order to be a successful stay at home mom. Well, that's just ridiculous! There is no mold or pattern to follow. It's finding what works for you and what makes you happy. However, you have to be able to be happy for others. If they have a great life and there are things in their life you could envy, DON'T! Be happy for them and hope for the best for everyone. Positive thinking makes for a positive life, and I have truly gotten to that point in my life. I'm happy for my friends who have wonderful things happen to them. I'm happy with myself and the only expectations I have to live up to are my own and the Lords. What a great feeling! My life is absolutely wonderful and I am so happy to wake up each morning to the sound of my beautiful kids, and I am so grateful I get to be home with them and put all of the selfish thoughts I once had, aside. :)

Aligned With Guilt!

Motherhood is fantastic it really is, but is it ALL of the time? I am convinced that when you become a mom, it is aligned with guilt. I spend so much time feeling guilty. For what you ask? EVERYTHING! Sometimes I feel like I've been too harsh on Avery, not patient enough with her, or I haven't spent enough time with her. I even feel guilty if I feel like I've given her too much. I wonder if she is learning the value of things and realizing she can't always have everything she wants in life. It's a difficult journey, and maybe I am one of the few that feel guilt constantly but it sure makes it difficult to fall asleep at night. I think about my day with my kids and what I could have done differently. I make a challenge for my self and set new goals for the following day. It helps me. Do I end up following through? Not always but it definitely helps me to feel as though I'm making some sort of progression and change in my attitude. After all, it is MY attitude that needs the adjusting. My children are products of me. They will learn behavior through me and my behavior towards them. I have to remind myself that my day may have stunk because of me, not because of them. I have to change my outlook and expectations of them and how our day should be and that is what my goal has become. I can be happy, which in turn, will help the rest of the family to be happy cause we all know, if mom is miserable, everyone is miserable. So, my advice if you're like me and suffer from guilt. 1- Make an attitude change and recognize that children often mirror their parents behavior so what can we change? 2- Setting realistic expectations for my day with my children. Every day is a new day and we have the ability to make it what we want. 3-  Don't sweat the small stuff. I often do and it's not worth the emotional baggage that comes with it! ENJOY BEING A MOM ;)

The couples blind date!

As couples we tend to find other couple friends that we gravitate toward. We find commonalities, things that we're all interested in, we tend each others kids, and basically share our lives. However, when we find ourselves moving to a new city or a new area of town, we loose our couple friends or don't have enough to time to travel all the way across town to get together, so what do we do? We go on what I like to call a couples blind date. I just had one of those! I call it a blind date because most likely only one of you know one of the people in that couple you're about to hang out with. In my case, today, it was my husband who made our plans and Erik's friends wife and I were the blind ones on this couples date. We had never met and call me crazy, but I often get nervous for these "couples blind dates." I like to be the one who knows someone and my husband be the blind one. But, I find it empowering when I come out of my little shell and get to know people. After all, you can NEVER have too many friends. After the couples date, something else happens. Just like when you're dating and seeking a spouse, you do a replay of the hangout/date. What did they think of me? Did I talk too much? Was I too opinionated? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Yep, we question ourselves and begin to dissect the hangout. I actually have to laugh at this because this sort of emotion was new to my husband and I when we moved to a new city. We found ourselves on a couples blind date, me being the blind one once again and after the hangout, Erik and I drove home wondering what Erik's friend and his fiance thought about us as a couple and us as a group of four friends. In this particular relationship, we have some differences, not bad differences, just things that made us different from each other, so we worried that maybe those differences became too apparent at dinner. So afterward, Erik spent a few minutes texting his friend and finally his friend texted something that made us both laugh. He said, stop dissecting our date, It was great! It was true! We were pulling the whole night apart and looking at it under a microscope! And I think we all do that when we hang out with new couples or friends. So is that okay? I think it is. I think it's important that we be cautious when we start hanging out with new friends. It allows us to get a feel for what may or may not be an appropriate topic for conversation, which will enable us to steer clear of any conversations that they may take offense to and also, if we are cautious, we won't go home asking ourselves the previously stated agitating questions. So next time you're on a couples blind date, remember, I've been there too, you're not alone and don't dissect the event to the point of madness when you're finished! Just revisit the night enough to evaluate yourselves, making sure you're being aware of what is coming out of your mouths in effort to avoid any offensive behavior and remember to just have fun and be yourself!

Welcome to the Mommy hood!!!

One might wonder why I started this blog when I already have a family blog. Well, that's exactly it. It's a family blog. So often I have thoughts about things regarding life, womanhood and while I live in the mommy hood, I feel that I need more neighbors and friends to join the neighborhood and the conversation, so welcome. My prayer is that mothers can read and feel good and inspired in their "mommy hood." Motherhood is a divine role that was given to us by the Almighty and often it doesn't feel so divine (At least to me). We get caught up in this role and begin to believe it defines us and who we are. And while that is true to some extent, we must not loose the individuality that we were born with, the ME that Heavenly Father so graciously gave us and the truth is, I love to write, that is something that defines me outside of my mommy hood. I would have studied creative writing in school if I thought I could have forged through an English degree. I couldn't. It didn't interest me and so it was Psychology that stole my heart. However, writing is still my passion and they say you should write about something you know. Well lately, I don't feel like I know much about anything but mommy hood. So with this blog, I will hopefully open up some dialogue about being a mom, a woman, a wife, a grandma, a friend, and any other type of beautiful woman whom I've met and has inspired me. So let's get the dialogue going!